Empty - originally posted thirtieth June

I'm feeling very empty at the moment - lacking in direction and completely overwhelmed by all I have taken on.

I finished editing my sister's essay today - which is a relief - I am not looking forward to having to edit her 20,000 word dissertation when it took me this long to edit a 6,000 word one!! My room move and clear out is almost sorted and my new bed has arrived. All I have to do now is move my craft materials into a cupboard, finish rearranging my books and get the bed put together. My parents plan to do that this weekend when I head to Cambridge for the Strawberry Fair.

I am looking forward to going to Cambridge as it gives me a chance to pop in and see the babies again - but it is also hard because I have to look back at what I left behind. It also makes me evaluate what I have done since leaving. And where I am going to from here. And I realise I have no idea...

I have finalised my business idea - I will be producing handmade giftbooks with a small selectionn of poetry on various subjects - I am excited about this but I am also worried that it will fall into oblivion because I don't have the time to devote to getting it up and running whilst looking for anothher job and, if I am successful, having a new job... I've had 2 jobs in the past year and each time the first month or two has exhausted me - as all changes do! I am struggling to fit everything in and do everything that is required of me and that I have agreed to do even now - and I don't have a job yet...

I know I am worrying about the future and that is pointless - but it is stressing me out somewhat - and I feel myself getting closer and closer to being so overwhelmed that I fall into that depressed sttate once again - and I do not want that... things were going so well I don't know what I am doing but I am sure I am self-sabotaging my chances somewhere...

I need to prioritise but not knowing my direction I can't find a focus for my priority so a good thought would be much appreciated right now.

Sorry to have posted such a moany post - it's just been one of those weeks! We'll be back to more positive posts when I return from my weekend away!

Have a lovely weekend, all
Amanda xx