Monday, 18 May 2009

Country Living and Living Dreams

Have I ever told you guys just how much I have always wanted to live in the country? Ever since reading stories set on farms as a child I wanted to live out in nature. I was never one of those people who yearn for the convenience of big cities - and having lived in a couple I think they are ok convenience wise but just lack that quiet calm of the country.

Since moving out to the village we have been loving the changes in our lifestyle... freshly grown salad leaves and radishes (I can't normally eat lettuce - I think it may be the pesticides they use commercially because I am fine with our home grown varieties!) and we shall soon have runner beans, tomatoes, strawberries, apples, beetroot, onions and carrots to add to that (plus courgettes, aubergines and parsnips if they survive our ignorance in terms of vegetable growing!)

We've also enjoyed the friendliness of the neighbours and the feeling that everything is ok. It almost feels like the sun shines brighter here - let's just say going from no garden to one with roses, clematis, elder trees and hanging baskets is just a dream come true.

But having said that, I am a human and as such there is always the dream of something more...

It is not our home so whilst we are enjoying this stay as a trial run we do dream of one day having a place to truly call our own. And why stop there... if I'm going to dream I'm going to dream big, and why not it doesn't hurt anybody.

So, what do I dream of? Well, lots of things, as my blog title suggests hehe but one of the things I used to dream of as a teenager was being able to help young people (particularly those who are carers or have siblings who require a lot of care and attention so don't get it themselves). I wanted to run holidays for them, something special. How and where I never knew but I knew I wanted to do it. As I grew older I then experienced helping at camps for disabled teenagers... now there's another thought. And why not go further and include my love of nature and bringing people's awareness of it back into their lives, reminding people of the sheer beauty and simplicity of nature.

Let's just say that when T informed me the other day that you can purchase certain woodland areas I thought "wow, that is what I want!" So what exactly is this dream of mine? Well in an ideal world I would love to buy a large woodland area, also near some fields and a place to build a home. We could run a campsite where groups could come throughout the year - we could have disabled facilities for groups who needed them on the field, we could rent camping places in the woods for scout and girl guide groups as well as having a few yurts for those who wanted a holiday of a difference. Sounds lovely doesn't it... not very likely to happen, but a girl can dream!

And whilst we're talking about unlikely happenings, guess what happened to us the morning of my op? T opened the curtains at about 5:40am and shouted for me to come and look outside because standing right on our front lawn was a little muntjac. He was a darling and looked at us, then trotted across the road to eat some of the trees near the churchyard, before tottering off along the street in search of other tasty titbits. How amazing is that?!

Have ever told you how much I love the countryside?

Thursday, 14 May 2009

Laparoscopy update

My laparoscopy went well - the consultant told me he didn't expect to find much as my scan last summer showed nothing to be worried about. So he was hugely surprised to find stage 3 endo which had stuck my right ovary to my abdominal wall, my uterus to my rectum and other spots around the ureter and utero-sacral ligaments. Just goes to show how little scans can show and how random endometriosis can be.

I was incredibly sick after the op and had to be kept in over night and given 3 huge bags of fluids as I just could not keep anything down but have managed to eat both breakfast and lunch today. I have a ridiculously sore throat and a nasty piece of skin or something hanging down from that little hangy down bit at the back of your throat which is annoying the hell out of me but every attempt to remove it just makes me retch and there is no way I am losing yet another meal that way - I need my nutrients so I'm having to deal with the annoyingness of it.

Pain wise I feel better than I have in months, aside from the gas pains - oh the gas pains I'd forgotten just how painful they can be plus I'm sore from throwing up. They think I threw up more this time because they flushed extra gas through my system to check they had made no holes in my bowel clearing the adhesions. I've been told to stay off work until at least nest Wednesday so that is what I plan to do.

I might go have another nap now. Be back with some normal blogging soon.

UPDATE: The thing at the back of my throat is pus (eeeewww tmi?) as I have an infected uvula from the tube they stick down your throat during the op. I got antibiotics yesterday but feel like crap - headache, throat so sore my whole mouth including my jaws and teeth hurt so bad I can hardly bear to eat just the minimum to keep taking painkillers and antibiotics, and general sicky feeling. 

The gas pains however are much better - I managed to even get in the bath for a quick soak today (with T's assistance to get back out again - there was no way I could do that myself). All in all I'm glad I told my work I'd be extending my leave from Monday to Thursday - gives the antibiotics more chance to kick in. 

Thursday, 7 May 2009

Think of me?

I have my lap on Wednesday. I'm really hoping that this will be the turning point of this long run of ill health I've had and I'll be able to get back to blogging about nice, happy things instead of moaning all the time - I hate moaning, talking about happy things is far more fun... and leaves room for posting pretty pictures too!

So, I had my pre-op assessment on Tuesday which went well. Prior to the appointment I was terrified of this op because my last one was less than pleasant. Having spoken to the nurse however I now realise that my experience was not just bad because of the complications and the terrible nausea following it, but the way the whole thing was handled was incorrect... "breach of confidentiality" actually came into the conversation - so although it could have been a hell of a lot worse, it was actually pretty bad and I was expecting the same thing to happen again. But now I feel far more confident - I am nervous still, of course, but I'm ok with it now.

I'll be treated in the new treatment centre in one of the largest hospitals in the UK - you can't really worry that much when you're in such good hands, can you? Plus T has been telling me all about it, seen as though he works at the hospital and knows some things about how wards work etc. In fact having someone look after me who looks after people post-op regularly is ideal - he'll be prepared for the nausea (unless they manage to get the anaesthetic right for me this time and avoid the nausea - here's hoping) and the tears - why do people cry after it, I never understood that!

Anyway, I am nervous but looking forward to it being over - I hope they find something they can deal with because that would really be the ideal - if they find it and can treat it then great... of course I hope they don't find too much... so if you're a praying, sending good thoughts, or energy healing kind of person then please think of me this coming Wednesday... I'd really appreciate it!

Edit: I forgot to say - my BMI was perfect and my blood pressure "textbook" according to the nurse on Tuesday - I am over the moon!! I don't think I have ever been like that - underweight, yes, slightly overweight, yes, high blood pressure, yes... let's hope this bodes well!!

Friday, 1 May 2009

Update, Birthday and Time off

Ok I have the shortest time before getting ready for work so apologies for the bullets!

  • I haven't been around much because I have felt the need to cut back my online time. I just haven't got the time or energy to do everything I want to and can't sit looking at a screen for as long as I used to. I have streamlined my bloglines feed to keep my endo friends and the baby blogs so that I can keep up with those who have things going on in their lives I don't want to miss - but the others I am not reading for the time being. I also won't be blogging myself as much - I can't cut myself off entirely but I need to cut back.
  • It was my birthday on Tuesday and I had a wonderful day in the garden - how blissful. T also bought me the soundtrack to Sister Act which has been playing constantly - do you know how this is the best present ever for me?! Well it is.
  • I saw occupational health on Wednesday which was um interesting. The nurse was concerned by how much I travel and work when I obviously cannot cope with it all whilst suffering with the endo and IBS. She wants me to cut down my hours or be redeployed to another area "short-term" until I get things under control healthwise - I can see why and in one way this is good but in another I don't want to lose my job because of it. She also wants me to see my GP and get a referral to both a nutritionalist and a pain management clinic as well as take up yoga again all to help me cope with what I do have because quite frankly I now have to accept this is a chronic condition. Damn.
  • Hence I got all upset and upset T that night by going over the fact that we may not ever be able to have children because a) I might not be able to fall pregnant, b) if I could I don't know if my body could cope with pregnancy as it doesn't cope with hormonal changes well and I would hate to have to make that decision or c) we just may not be able to afford it if I can't work due to health when I earn more than he does. Double damn.
  • I have my pre-op next week and then my lap on the 13th - let's hope they find something they can deal with to help make me feel better because I feel CRAP right now. I've had cramps since the weekend and the past 3 days I've had pain around my left ovary and shooting pains from there around my hip and down my leg - what's with that?? I've never had that before!! It hurts like hell though and now I feel sick as anything with trying to work - if I didn't have a meeting with my manager about improving the disabled guide for tourists which I have waited for weeks for I would call in sick today.
  • On the up side of things though I spoke to a friend on the phone I haven't seen since graduating and it was just like old times - so happy - and I am going to add skype this weekend to catch up with another friend and finally get round to calling others seen as though I have a 3 day weekend coming up - yay!!

Got to go to work now - hopefully be back in the not too distant future!