To blog or not to blog - again...

I cannot decide whether to keep this blog or not...

A while back I closed the blog as I decided that I was just rambling and no one was reading it and I may as well just ramble to myself (as I do anyway).

But today, as I was posting a comment on another blog, I realised that actually the whole reason I really began this blog was so that I wasn't some obscure person who commented on other blogs - if someone saw a comment and wanted to know who on earth I was they might have a chance to see...

So I am now undecided as to whether to keep my blog going or not...

So for the time being I will reopen my blog and see how I feel in a few days time.

I did eventually go home for Christmas - which was nice but very short and I didn't get to see many people and it didn't feel like Christmas at all - so I was quite disappointed. It also hit home how much I do miss my family and I really got homesick and considered moving back to my hometown - so I could visit family members more regularly and also the rent is much cheaper there and here I am really struggling to meet my needs on my income and pay off my overdraft from uni...

But then I spoke to my family and it got quite emotional - as it seems to recently - and came away from that phonecall feeling quite desolate. This could have been a bad thing but it actually brought about a shift within me... I realised that nothing could make me happy - I needed to be happy. I knew this before but it didn't quite connect within me as much as it did this week.

I've spent the week (when I wasn't working) reading books for pleasure, eating well, sleeping lots and thinking about things such as how I need to let go of the past and how I need to be less harsh on myself and how I react strongly to others because of fears within myself...

I've also made some more peace with my work - I had a rought start with all the illnesses and am still feeling rought but it's getting better. This week a new sickness and diarrhoea bug is going round - I have cleaned up I don't know how much sick and poo this week - and I am taking the herbs my uncle gave me and reiki-ing myself and just taking it easy to try and keep my strength up and my health strong.

The nursery where I work has a policy whereby if you are off sick with more than 3 things in 6 months you are liable for a warning and then if things still don't improve you could get a disciplinary... sounds fun especially cos I've already been off sick with two things - so in my interview with my unit co-ordinator she suggested I cut my hours. I told her there was no way I could afford to do that - I am not making enough money as it is. So we then discussed the option of working 4 long days - so spreading my 39 hours over 4 days - and having aa 3 day weekend - I'm not sure whether that would help my health or not - but it is something to think about.