Going for another dream

I've decided that for now I amgoing to stick it out at the nursery and keep a record of what is happening to cover my back if anything does happen or I need to contact someone to tell them what is going on. I feel it would be completely wrong to uproot myself again and I need the stability of this job for me to finally work on the next stage of one of my other lifelong dreams.

I have always wanted to write... I cannot remember a time when I didn't love writing (and crafting of all sorts but mostly the writing). But it never seemed plausible until I was about 16 and suddenly my writing took on a whole new quality. Now I very rarely question the quality of it because it has come on so much. My dad has been telling me for years that I am going to write a book - he has no doubt about it and whereas initially I thought this was simply father's pride I now believe he may have a point! I am meant to write and it is just a case of letting go of any fears related to my worth and just doing it.

I have had a couple of poems published online and in American anthologies through www.poetry.com and have self-published some on another blog. But I have dreamt of self-publishing a proper book fora couple of years now. I have been planning on publishing one of these but unfortunately have never had the money to pay out the initial outlay. My mum suggested I ask my dad for a loan but I couldn't ask him (I have issues with receiving money) and as I am still struggling to pay off my overdraft from uni on the wage I am currently on I can see it being a long time before I can manage it. Part of me feels I should simply trust because I was planning on having 100 books made and selling them at a £2 profit - so I would only have to sell a fraction of them to get my money back. I also know that through friends and family I could possibly meet that target straight away... however I have not yet found the courage to trust it...

I feel like I should be writing more... I have the feeling there is so much to come out - but I am blocking it in for some reason. I am a highly creative person and can easily imagine myself being an accomplished writer, creating poetry and short stories, fiction for children and all sorts of beautiful ways to display my work. I believe I can get there one day - but I never seem to take the steps towards getting there.

So I am going to devote today to research and writing I think - wish me luck! And if any of you have any ideas, suggestions of experience of starting up on your own I would really appreciate any advice or experiences you are willing to share with me!!

Have a lovely day!