Further to my post a few days ago about yearning for love, I had a discussion with a close friend of mine over on Shinin Hearts. When asked what I was truly looking for in a man, my answer gave out a lot of answers to what was actually going on.
We discovered that my dream of Love is actually more one of companionship than of a romantic and passionate relationship. And as such I am actually receiving this companionship in the men in my life. Men to me are companions through and through.
We discussed this further and how I have always imagined love to be much more companionable - someone to talk to, share my dreams with, be financially and emotionally stable with - than passionate and romantic. In fact, we discovered, on reflection of what I was saying, that I actually fear that kind of relationship.
For some reason I have an utter fear of letting go - I can't even let close friends see me cry - or even lose my temper in front of people... so how on earth I expect to let go and let my emotions and sexual responses carry me along in a relationship I do not know...
This has worried me for a while - I have never wanted the beginnings of a relationship - rather the stability of knowing someone well...
But that cannot happen - and has not and will not, I am sure...
So... with this in mind I am currently considering doing something like taking up belly dancing lessons or even just normal dancing lessons, to help me connect with a more passionate side of myself. I've just got to find a class and a bit of courage now...
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