Never let it be said...

that I can't admit when I was wrong!

I was talking to my mum the other day about leaving the nursery 'cos of the poor pay and the constant sickness and she just said "well we knew that would happen when you started!" Yes that pissed me off big time - I really hate "I told you so"s but it's true - they DID tell me that and what was my response? "I don't mind!" LOL

Course I didn't then - I had to go into that position to realise that I DID mind! And I also had to learn to admit that deep down I want and value money, security and the right to treat myself once in a while above making a child's life better *gasp* how awful do I feel?? But it's true - there is plenty of time in my life to put children first - right now I want to put me first - whilst I have the chance! Lesson number 1 - and place I was wrong number 1

Lesson 2? That Cambridge isn't perfect!

I loved Cambridge because it was my haven. My Aunt was here and I could chill here. Deep down I knew it was because I came here to get away from it all - but did I listen to myself and others? Nope! I thought all would be better here! Course things are better here but that is because *I* have changed and not because I am here! I hardly ever see my Aunt even though she lives just round the corner from me and I have no real friends here. I also feel completely out of place and all my favourite shops do not seem to exist in posh Cambridge city. I am so very unposh you wouldn't believe lol

I also thought that working in care was what I wanted to do - but nope I don't want to look for care work anymore. Funny that cos I do enjoy it but doing it full time is just too exhausting and there are just not enough chances to move up in the world... that's another thing... I thought I wanted easy-peasy job and sure that's nice and all but god is it boring sometimes - I find myself spending my evenings trying to get a "mental-fix".

So this weekend I have also applied for a summer job working in the tourist office in Winchester - an ancient town in Southern England. This is a place I have considered moving to because a) I have a friend there so wouldn't be completely alone cos that would just be too scary and b) it is closer to Somerset and that awesome place called Glastonbury (and by closer I mean a short train journey away!!)

I feel funny moving yet again - I don't seem to stay in one place longer than 3 months anymore - and here was me thinking I wanted stability - but you know what?I was wrong there as well - I get bored so easily!! I think until I find the right job I'm gonna be taking advantage of this freedom to move and explore. No ties, right?! Cool!!

Boy am I different to what I thought I was *shakes head in disbelief* it's weird when you realise you don't know yourself, isn't it?!

Oh and before I forget I also sent speculative letters to all the touristy places in Winchester and applied for a County Council job there as a Communications Officer - perfect for my languages and love of writing - and it pays twice as much as I currently earn!! For once I am trying not to sell myself short and actually just sell myself! Wish me luck!