Money

Ok first of all something which I have become increasingly aware of over the past year or two is that I have a negative relationship to money. This is very closely tied in with my upbringing and although I appreciate the way my parents taught us to value money - it has also created a belief within myself that money is hard to earn and must be saved every step of the way...

So, of course, being paid to do something I love doing is a strange concept. And so I seem to have been blocking the flow of money into my life because I am doing things that I love to do. I am working damn hard but for some reason I still don't feel I deserve more money than I receive.

That being said - I am fully aware of how bad my financial situation is right now and I spent most of the weekend feeling awful about it - feeling everything going out of my control and feeling incredibly sad that this is the way it must be. That is until I decided at about 7pm last night that I could turn this around from an awful situation into one which provides me with opportunities to grow and move forward...

So, out of sheer need to earn some extra cash to keep me going for the time being I began listing some of my books on ebay. Previously I have simply given them away - but why not sell them? Already I have a bid on one of my books! It's not gonna bring me lots of cash but it will bring me both that added little extra I need to break even right now and it will clear space in my room which is still too cluttered even after my massive clear out! This is an opportunity to really release some of my old things...

As I was listing my books to be sold I decided it was high time I trusted my ability as a poet and artist and begin selling my poetry and pictures online - not wanting to blow my own trumpet here, but I make some really beautiful things and I don't see why I cannot sell my work - before I worried that because I enjoyed it so much and it came so naturally to me I shouldn't be charging for it - but then people made me realise that I would be charging for my time and that is all we ever really do at work...

So I opened a shop and found two other people I know to go into the venture with me - both for personal and commercial purposes! It all feels good...

But I am a realist - I know this isn't gonna happen overnight and I am still watching my finances. I am looking into ways to change my working pattern at work to allow me more time to perhaps do some tutoring in my free time to earn some extra cash. And if all else fails then I will know it is time for me to leave the nursery... and if that day comes I will be heartbroken - but I will know it is the right decision...

So I am keeping my options open and choosing to see this as a great learning opportunity rather than a disaster!

Keep your fingers crossed for me!