I feel like apologising for the rather negative feel to my posts of late. I spent the past 4-5 years rather depressed and when things come to shake me up I tend to fall back into old habits... but underneath it all I promiseyouthere is a determined girl witha belief that dreams really do come true!
(Apologies also for the lack of spaces between some of the words in this post - my keys on my keyboard are finally giving up - 4 years of having essays bashed out on them have takentheir toll! I will try and edit the entry soon!)
I've been thinking about which direction I want to head when I move back home - which direction will my heart take me next? I have to say that I am extremely jealous of all the bloggers I readabout - following their dreams of living the life they want - particularly the crafters 'cos boydoI love to make things!! And you all know how much I love the babies that those of you who have them talk about!
Talking of babies - however challenging the past few months of my life have been I truly did create a reality out of my dreams and became a well-respected and well-loved childcarer and know that I have made a difference where I work. I am sad to leave but I do feel now that itis time to move on - I have made peace with that -but where to move to?
I keep coming back to my languages. Whilst at university I began to wonder if I would ever be good enough in my language study to use them professionally - how could I teach if I weren't perfectly fluent? How could I translate when I didn't know this or that...? And WHY couldInot perfect my languages after years and years of devoted study?? I am intelligent and I am linguistically gifted - yet fluency still evades me.
So although I yearned to work with languages I lacked the confidence within my abilities. Thinking about what to do when I return home I am interested in looking into tutoring, adult education and language groups for children who currently are not taught languages under the national curriculum. When I dropped French aged 16 to devote my time to German I promised myself I would carry on my French independently - sadly this never happened and I regret giving up my study! It is hard to make time for productive learningand development when other work takes up so much of your time. So I am beginning to think that by biting the bullet and teaching basic German and Russian - basics which I know incredibly well) I will be able to focus more upon practising - for the be a good teacher you must also be a good student!!
Having learnt languages in school, at university, as an employee in Germany and a international studentin Russia I have experienced different approaches and also often thought "if only there were a book/cd/song/poem which would help me memorise/understand this!" By combining my natural talents - those being languages and writing - perhaps I can find a role in the world that is both worthwhile to me and to others. This is a dream I am beginning to grow - a dream of being unltd - a dream of stepping out of the corporate world and following my heart.
Maybethis will work, maybe it won't. Maybe I'll have the courage to go for it, maybe I won't. Time alone will tell but in itself a dream can be so powerful!
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2 comments:
You know, I think everyone is probably envious of the people they read about. I'm sure someone probably reads your blog and things "Wow, what'd it be like to have complete freedom to do WHATEVER you wanted". You have so many opportunities! You can teach Russian/German, and don't forget ENGLISH! You know what would be an amazing experience...going to Asia to teach language. I've known a few people that did that and it was amazing. Good luck with whatever you choose!
I am bilingual, but slowly losing that ability. I grew up in a closed world of thought, believing that the mere ability to understand and communicate is enough to get me a decent living. However, unfortunately it hasn't seemed to work out that way - the communication is almost a winning criteria, not a qualifying one.
However, there is a lot to be said in experts being the worst teachers. I believe that eagerness to learn and empathy in teaching are not mutually exclusive by a long shot.
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