Leaving - originally posted 21st April

That's it - my last day at the nursery over. Although I know it was the right decision to make it was still so hard leaving. It has been wonderful this month not having to constantly check my bank balance and think "can I really afford to buy this?" (which was usually food - food intolerences make food shopping expensive!) I had also come to realise that out of this move I was being presented with the opportunity to go home and heal the issues I have related to home life and my past. All of that made this decision feel like the best one. And yet, saying goodbye to my babies and their parents yesterday was so hard - I felt sick and shaky and I still do! I have only been at the nursery 5 months but that is a long time in baby years - I have seen so much and I am going to miss so much, even if I manage to get back to see them (which I sincerely hope I do!) I'm so glad my parents are coming to pick me up today - otherwise I'd not have something to focus on today and would be completely lost!

I feel so blessed to have had these 5 months at the nursery. However hard it has been, however ill and exhausted I have been, I know that I have done a good job and I have made so many friends. Each time I do something like this I get attached and it hurts because I now have people I miss all over the world! But at the same time I feel so very grateful to have had the opportunity to meet so many wonderful people! Naturally I will miss some of the babies and parents more than others - but thankfully they have given me contact details so I can keep in touch :o)

I know I have made the right decision - I know that I could have stayed where I am now and workd hard and made a difference, but I wouldn't have had much of a life for myself. I know that going home gives me the chance to regroup, sort out my finances and create an even better opportunity where I can utilise all my skills and be more financially stable. I just don't know exactly how yet. I'm working on it and I have some ideas I'm going to pursue - but right now I'm just adjusting to the fact that I am now unemployed, going back to live with my parents and won't see my babies every day anymore! It's going to take a while!