The flow of emotions

Sorry about the extremely poor picture quality today... but I think this gives a good enough idea of what I did on my day off :o)

This was my first attempt to portray a poem in a visual way. The words come from the beginning of a poem I wrote a couple of years back:

My Heart to Your Heart
Your Heart to Mine
Soul to Soul Forever
Through every Arc in Time

I am happy with it so I might try another poem another day. I am not the most talented of artists - I get annoyed sometimes that I cannot portray the beautiful images I see in my mind or in the world around me as I would like to - which is why I stick to the simpler things. But I can hold my own - and I am thankful that I am a creative person and I have this outlet for all the emotions within me.

For years my writing, which has always been and always will be my strong point in life (that and languages - it all joins up!) has been a way of expressing the deep emotions, dreams, hopes and desires I have inside which, through some issues I have yet to understand, I am unable to express verbally or by my actions. (Ok maybe language isn't such a strong point - how confusing was that sentence?? lol)

One day I hope to conquer these fears of mine and fully express myself in all aspects of my life - but I will always value and acknowledge the great gift that writing offers me. And so, I leave you with another one of my favourite poems (of which I have many lol) which I am hoping will be my next "visual" project.

The music of your soul rings through the night
Bell tolls and wind whispers sing of your song;
Your life is like an aria the birds love to sing
I hear them every time I call out your name

Have a lovely evening/day - and thanks again for all the lovely comments xox

Sick day - and art

I called in sick today... not that I really wanted to money wise and all but I didn't want to pass on my conjunctivitis to anybody and whatever it is I have got it has spread to my sinuses and glands and I have had a pressure headache all weekend and feel quite dizzy at times... not really helpful for working in a room with 12 babies!!

I started the day laying on my bed feeling guilty for not going to work when my eye is clearly much better than it was the other day and I wonder why I have to be incredibly ill before I realise I need a break.

So now I am planning on using my day to do some art work, something which will relax me and is peaceful to hopefully help along my healing. I have managed to get to this point minus the ibuprofen suggested and just usingthe eydrops and the eyebath - so I am very thankful for that!! I hate taking tablets and such cos they always mess with my head/tummy so much.

So I thought I would post a piccie of one of the pieces of art I did last night. It is a variation on a design I made a couple of years back. I'm not sure what anyone else thinks about it but I just love the simplicity of it - the lack of minute details. I'd appreciate comments to let me know if people like this sort of thing or not ;o) I was thinking maybe I could branch out and paint little things like this and display my poetry in similar ways... what do you think?

Here's a look at the news in my life...

Apologies for the lack of post the past day or two and for this mixed bag of updates...

First of all - in national news - there have been massive storms this week in the UK and a number of people have been killed by trees, walls and roofs falling down (including a 2 year old boy - please send your prayers if you are a praying person) and lorries and buses being blown over! Many people have had periods without power as well - including some of the babies' parents at nursery - and the nursery had no hot water for a day and a half - so it's been quite a week...

Back to my life.

The nursery really annoyed me the other day and I am very close to contacting the authorities as I feel they need to be aware... I don't want to go into it as I don't know whether that is a good idea - but neddless to say I am concerned for the children and staff because of the poor way it is being run and dread something major happening...

And yesterday I had a sore eye - it felt like I had something in it and was gunking up a bit... I eventually found time to go to the toilet and check it out and found I had an eyelash stuck under my upper eyelid... I fished it out but then five minutes later had to go back to the toilet as I had green/yellow gunk pouring out of the corner of my eye - EWWWW!

Some of the kids have conjunctivitis so I thought that was what I had got - never had it before joining the nursery and had a small dose of it before Christmas. Anyway last night within a couple of hours it had swollen up quite impressively, felt liek my eye was under pressure and that mucus was forming all the way round the back of my eye - EUGH!!!

I woke up this morning and it took me 10 minutes to prise my eyelids open using boiled water and cotton buds... and it is red and swollen - I seriously look like I've been in a fight... So I trotted down to the pharmacy today (wearing sunglasses of course to hide my weird appearance) and the pharmacist thinks it is just conjunctivitis but she said it is really a bad reaction and has given me antibiotic eyedrops, an eyewash and Ibuprofen to take the swelling down and has told me that if it doesn't improve in the next couple of days I *must* go to see the doctor... I'm kinda hoping it improves by tonight - I hate feeling blocked up and right now I can feel it in my sinuses, my throat and also feel quite sick too :o( This is why this post is very short and a bit mixed up!!

In happier news - even though things are bad at the nursery I am dealing really well - my new outlook on life seems like it's here to stay!! Whoo hoo!! I also found an online community where you can meet people to chat with in different languages. I was chatting to a Syrian guy in Russian and then an Italian guy in English. The Italian guy was cool and we suddenly realised whilst talking that he is moving to Cambridge (where I live) in April - how cool and random is that?? I'm helping him look for a place to stay and in return he's gonna take me to his favourite pub when he gets over here :o)

My room is a bit of a mess again - oh dear - I was gonna tidy again today but think I might slob a bit and try letting my eye heal a bit before attempting it another day!

Hope you're all well and having a good weekend!

Thanks and what a day!

First of all I'd like to say a big thank you to TC over on reikiblogger for asking me to write a guest post there. I feel very honoured to be asked to write something for another blog, especially one I like as much as that!

Secondly I'd like to offer a big thank you to those of you who have recently joined me here, reading about my life and leaving lovely comments on my blog! It is lovely to see you here and lovely to get an email saying someone has left a comment.

Right, now for a little rambling about my day yesterday - what a day that was!

Usually, when I am on an 8am start I have to catch the bus at 7am and so set my alarm for 5-5:30am. This often gets a "why?!" response from most people lol. But what you have to understand about me is that I absolutely hate to be rushed! I love getting up and having a good hour or two to wake up properly, have a good breakfast, check my emails, have a shower, maybe try and exercise or meditate (although those last two somehow always seem to be missed out!). Setting my alarm for 5am (and then another for 5:30am) means that if I want to lie in bed and relax I can do so, knowing I have plenty of time and that my second alarm clock will wake me up if I fall back to sleep again!

This didn't happen yesterday! In the process of clearing out and tidying my room I seem to have misplaced my mobile phone - which I use primarily as an alarm clock!! I am beginning to wonder if maybe I threw it out by mistake?! Anyway, I don't miss the phone part too much, but the alarm bit certainly was helpful.

So, yesterday I woke up suddenly of my own accord at 4am and thought 3 hours was a bit too much time to give myself as I needed the sleep. So I fell back to sleep until my alarm went off at 5am... and then I fell back to sleep to wake up at 7:15!!! Eeeek! I jumped out of bed, grabbed my clothes, cleaned my teeth and ran out the door to catch the bus! After a frantic start and panicking about getting to work on time (remember I have no phone so couldn't call them to let them know I'd be late - and I've already overslept once since I started working there - whoooops) I finally got to work just 5 minutes late - thank you to those who heard my prayers and got me there almost on time!!

When I got to work I was immediately sent down to unit 4 - the toddler room, because like the day before, they didn't have enough staff and so I was sent to cover until someone else's shift started. I then returned to my unit (number 2) to hear I'd be spending the day again in unit 1. I don't mind being in unit 1 so much because it is still in the same room as my unit and I can easily look over the partition and see them :o) I was also asked if I would do some overtime to cover people off sick and of course, needing the money I said yes - so I worked from 8:05 til 5:30 yesterday. Not too bad, really, and I get the extra pay I desperately need right now to make ends meet - but having had to eat a very unhealthy breakfast on the bus, it took me til after lunch (chicken and mushroom, potatoes and broccoli - yum!) to really come round to the world lol!

So you see - those two hours in a morning make such a difference for me - the chance to eat a big bowl of porridge and have a mug of hot water and wake up to the world. I chance to peacefully ease myself into the day rather than rushing around and panicking. And more than that, the chance to have two hours to myself when nobody else is up and about and it is just me and the world before I have to go out and face whatever the day throws at me. I am so glad I got up on time today!!

Big bosses

The big bosses came to work today. The chef (the one who called them in because she was fed up of all the staff moaning to her about the working conditions) spoke to them and then they offered to speak to anyone who wanted to discuss anything.

Although most, if not all, the workers wanted to chat we a) didn't want to have to sit in a room with 3 big bosses and moan about the company and b) we didn't have enough staff to cover the rooms for us to go and talk to them anyway.

So these big bosses came into our rooms to have a look around. This is the BEST thing that could ever have happened. To give you an idea of how the nursery is set out, each room has two units in it separated by a waist height partition and a nappy room. This way you can have two units for one age group in the same room and the staff members can move between the units if needs be.

So picture the scene... unit 1 had 10 children in - most of whom were screaming, with ONE member of staff in there who is police checked but UNQUALIFIED. There should be a ratio of 1:3 but two members of staff were on their lunch and one had had to go to the milk kitchen because we were already late in making the feeds up. And then there was me - in unit 2 ON MY OWN with 8 babies all screaming. What makes this worse is I am not only UNQUALIFIED but my police check has not come through yet. I know I am capable and would never do a thing to hurt a child - but they don't know that!! Anyway, when they came in I was balanced on the arm of the sofa with a child on one knee, my foot bouncing a bouncy chair and my arm rocking a cradle whilst at least 2 other babies were screaming and I could do nothing... it is ridiculous...

I am hoping that having seen for themselves how bad it is and having been told this happens ON A DAILY BASIS, that they may finally do something about it. And if not it just shows they are in it purely for the money rather than the welfare of the children - which is quite likely and disgusting in my opinion!!

If they don't make any changes I'm gonna be stuck in a bit of a dilemna because my principles will be at odds - do I leave because I cannot possibly support such an organisation or do I stay in the hopes that my determination and love of and concern for the children will make a difference somehow?

"Are you mad?"

This is the question a couple of the parents at nursery asked me last week when I told them I had done a language degree but had then decided I really couldn't live without working with children!

This always amuses me because I always assume that the parents would think it'd be great to spend the day surrounded by kids. Then again I always think it's weird when my friends tell me they have no real interest in children or even go "bleugh" and shudder when I talk about them. This is just far too hard for me to understand because I have always had a deep interest in childcare and have been broody since I was, I dunno, about 10.

Of course, saying that, I think I might be a bit crazy for working in a day nursery - or more specifically the one I work at now. Today was a bit of a nightmare at times. We had a new baby of 3 months old in the room and the regulars who range up to about 1yr old. There were 4 staff and 10 kids which is actually a good ratio. But the babies were all really grumpy for some reason today and it seems as if there wasn't more than maybe 5 minutes at any one time when none of them were crying - my ears feel like they are ringing, you know what it's like when you've been to a nightclub or concert and your ears feel so funny afterwards?

Working at the nursery brings a whole new meaning to multi-tasking. This morning I was sat crossed legged on the floor with a baby in my arms, feeding him a bottle. But I only had one hand spare so the arm he was cradled in also had to contort slightly to balance the bottle so he could feed from it. I then had my other arm hooked through the bars of a cot, patting and rubbing the back and tummy of another baby who was screaming because she was soooooo tired but just wouldn't go to sleep. At the same time, whilst both my arms were in rather awkward and painful positions, I had the unit bully (bullies before the age of 1 - it's amazing lol) climbing all over me trying to get the bottle. And one of my feet was then unhooked from the corssed-legged position so I could rock the bouncer that the 3 month old baby was in, as he was getting upset by this stage... and all this time I was singing my heart out trying to calm and cheer them all. Sound confusing?? It was, rather!!

Apparently the big bosses are coming tomorrow because the chef called them to complain about the way things are run. I mean, don't get me wrong, the children are cared for - but only out of sheer determination and sweat from the staff members!! So apparently we're all supposed to go vent our frustrations at the way the nursery is run to these big bosses... however the office is actually a "fishbowl" - completely made of glass right in the reception area - everybody knows when you're in there and then finds out what you're in there for!! The only reason I can think of for this daft designwork is that they wanted it to be open with no secrets. Of course, the fact that we still don't know who the new manager is even though we know that head office and HR have already appointed them and that the unit co-ordinators (who both went up for the position) both know what is going on. I was making milk in the milk kitchen the other day and one was saying they couldn't trust us not to blurt it out to the parents who aren't to know until the paperwork is through. I mean, come on, can't trust us?? We have a right to know who is in charge!! And for that matter, so do the parents!! The other unit co-ordinator pointed out that we knew the old manager was leaving long before the parents did and we didn't let it slip and we should be trusted... but the first is far too controlling to let that happen and the second one knows it! The scary thing is we think that the position may have been split between the two of them... now that really does worry me...

Like I said - I may not be mad choosing to work with children but I might just have to be quite literally insane to work at this nursery!

Photos

I cannot believe how much crap I had in my room nor how much cleaning I have achieved this weekend... and yet I am still unsatisfied as I know I took some shortcuts just to get it "tidy" for the week - so over the next week or two I'm gonna be weeding out more bits and bobs.

But here's the good part - I bought a new charger for my camera batteries and was able to take some photos of my newly tidied room - yippee!! I have hated not being able to post pictures on my blog - so now you get to see a glimpse into my world!!















This is a pic of my little, but sweet room. The advantage of having such a small space to fit all your belongings into is that you really do have to downsize or live in a mountain of mess as I previously have. The disadvantage of it is that everything goes in here and so there is no separation between sleep, work and playthings... also as it is a rented room I can work around the decor (which is thankfully very nice) but I cannot make it my very own - apart from the clothes rack, cd rack and the smaller set of drawers all the furniture is provided by the landlord.

The pile of bags you can see at the end of the room are bags of stuff I have to take down to the kitchen, cleaning supplies and food which for some reason I have in my room lol. I have another big pile of bags at the other end of my bed which I am not gonna take a picture of - this is because they are for recycling and to go in the bin, which is currently too full for me to put them in *sigh*






















This pic shows my clothes rack, as the landlord has not yet got around to putting in a wardrobe - this isn't a problem - or wouldn't be if I had thought to buy some more hangers for my clothes lol - but it does look less tidy than a wardrobe would. As you can see I have had to double up my clothes on hangers until they are nearly breaking under the pressure - perhaps this is telling me I have too many clothes?!

I do have about twice the amount of clothes I have managed to squeeze on there - the other half are currently awaiting a well-deserved trip to the washing machine and are tucked away in two drawers. The drawers would be vibrating with excitement if they weren't so squished in they couldn't move lol

My clean bedding, keyboard and sleeping bag are all tucked under my bed! Lots of cramming involved lol!!
















These are the plants I bought today - a peace lily and two kalenchoe plants - one with little red flowers and one with little yellow ones. I have had kalenchoe plants before but never a peace lily - let's hope I manage to look after them ok. The kalenchoe like plenty of sunlight so I may have to move them to my windowsill.

The little house is an embroidered house in which I place pieces of paper with people's name on who I am praying for or sending healing to. Sometimes I neglect to do this, but I hope to keep it going this time.

I have also finally managed to get my wolf picture out. I love wolves - they must be my favourite animal. They are so special and when I saw this picture I just had to get it :o)















This is the little green table from the first picture. On it I have a selection of my crystals and my oil burner (and currently my clock as I was sending healing to a friend and wanted to know what the time was!)

The two big crystals are actually tealight candle holders - the white is selenite and the pinky-orange one is a saltlamp. The pink one in front of them is a big chunk of rose quartz which is placed there to transmute the energies given out by my stereo which is nestled underneath the table.

I also have an oil burner and a set of crystals which correspond to the chakras and which I like to use when healing, for myself or others.















This picture, though unfortunately a little blurry, shows the beautiful ball that my friend made for me. Last summer a group of us from the online forum I admin for met up in Glastonbury, as the owner of the board was coming over from the US to visit and we thought it a fantastic time to meet up. One of the ladies from the board makes these wonderful balls and created this one for me. It was a wonderful surprise and I was completely shocked to find out that it was originally a pair of old tights! Yes, you heard me, those things you struggle with to put on without getting a ladder in them!! She screws them up into a ball and then wraps wool around them and gets tighter and tighter with thinner and thinner thread until she gets a ball shape. Then she embroiders these amazing designs onto the ball. How amazing is that?! They are called Temari balls. Have a look here to see one being made.

As a last little treat, into the world that is mine, here is a picture of the 5 sweetest little candle holders I found in the hospital shop the other day. They only cost my £1 each and I just couldn't resist getting a whole set for my windowsill.














Wasn't that worth the effort?! I think so!! And it didn't take all of my weekend up, as I managed to pop into town to post a parcel and donate some items to charity, meet up with my Aunty for coffee and to have my hair cut, chat to my landlord/landlord's dad and do some quality reading in the bath *sigh*

This evening I am sending reiki to a couple of people and I am so glad I have a nice peaceful room to do it in. And I will look forward to going to bed and dreaming of such sweet things in my calm and relaxing bedroom! I hope you enjoyed this little glimpse into my world :o)