Onto a happier note...

My posts of late have been rather dreary, which in a way is why I love blogging so much - it helps me look back and see how I was feeling at certain points and note the patterns of thought and behaviour I go through. How else would I remember exactly how much I have been obsessing over health issues, when so often our memory is inaccurate? I mean I often remember hard times as easier, happier and forget just how happy the happy times were - it's like I remember the essence of a feeling (I know I was happy/sad etc) but I do not remember the level of that emotion - it's good to see that, and as I was never any good at keeping a diary blogging helps me to come close to keeping one.

And so, looking back over my previous posts, I realise that my worry, though legitimate, has been a bit obsessive. I can't change what is happening and worrying about it isn't doing me any good except making me feel even worse. So, with that in mind, I am going to use this next blog post to list some of the ways in which I am blessed and remember some of those people and situations I have had in my thoughts and wish to pray for - doesn't tha sound like a much better blog post? It certainly sounds like a much better inner dialogue for me to be having anyway!

Blessings

• I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me with all his heart, cares for me deeply, laughs at my silliness and consoles me in my darkest times. He cooks, he cleans, he gets up early to ake my breakfast... all this and more to try and make my life easier for me during tough times. And more than that - he understands me. He understands my need to sometimes obsess over things just so that I can figure out for myself what it all means for me. He even takes me places he may not want to go originally but does because he loves me - and because he understands me on such a deep level he often finds he enjoys it himself in the end - how amazing it that?
• I had a beautiful childhood, no matter how many times I complain about this or that (which really isn't that often to be fair). I was loved, guided, protected and yet allowed to make my own way in the world when I was ready. If it weren't for this great start in life I wouldn't be the person I am today, and although it may sounds strange I am proud of the person I have become (which is a BIG thing for me to say because I find being proud of myself very difficult).
• I have amazing friends who, although not always close in distance, always remain close to y heart. Friendship is everything we could possibly ask for as far as I am concerned - T and I wouldn't make half as good a couple were it not for friendship!
• I have a job - that pays pretty well even at the lowest end of the pay scale and includes a good pension scheme and repayments of my student loan. In times like this when so many are out of work I am so thankful both T and I work - despite my anger sometimes at never having any money left by the end of the month and never being able to buy things just because we might want a treat, I am thankful we have jobs and a home.
• We have a beautiful hoe to return to each day - no matter the distance and inconvenience of commuting - in fact the commute has brought me time in the day to read, meditate and pray - things I never did on a daily basis before.

Prayers

• I am keeping all my friends and family in my prayers, especially those who are facing life threatening illnesses within their own families.
• I am praying for those I have met through blogging who are struggling so with their health, particularly endo-wise right now.
• I am thinking of a colleague who is struggling with mobility issues right now - the pain it is causing her both physically and emotionally as she learns to readjust from being terribly active to unable to do anything.
• I am asking to see the way forward with my own understanding of my beliefs - of God, Spirituality, life, death, reason and purpose... I am trying to be open to new ideas (and old), and to those sent to help me work this out at this stage in my journey

That will do for now - a much needed post I feel. I must run now otherwise I'll miss my bus. Hope you all have a lovely week. xx