Sick

Well I called in sick today... I still feel really rotten - managed to force down some porridge oats and water this morning and a tiny bit of chocolate of all things but that's it...

I have to call the nursery by 3:30 to let them know how it's going... eeek and I have a doctor's appointment at 3:50 today - hopefully he will be able to a) check my dodgy mole once and for all and put my mind at ease about that and b) suggest why I'm feeling this crappy... well actually I know why - I've run myself down for far too long - but it'd be helpful if I could perhaps get retested for things like anaemia, and discuss this whole IBS theory cos really all I got was "I think you have this, here try these tablets" and that was that... no help in sorting my diet out, nothing... so I think I need a long chat with the doctor to work out what I'm doing...

I am really torn today - between staying here and enjoying my independence (I'm finally out of uni, living in a shared house, working with kids and look at me - I'm unhappy) and going home to live with my parents for a bit.

I tried that after uni - my plan was to go home for a few months, rest a bit after wearing myself out so much, and then have lower stress levels and earn some money and get some work experience without having to use all my wages for rent... at home my parents would only take a small percentage - to help me get out of my student debt and on my feet...

But my relationship with my mum is so strained - we just don't see eye to eye at the moment, and she is ill, my sister is still at home and ill and depressed, my dad is stressed with work - I couldn't hack it in the summer and just had to get away... I don't want to get stuck back at home as I know I could...

Also I've made connections here in Cambridge - I don't want to lose them so soon...

But I just feel like maybe going home for a bit and being able to maybe cut down my hours a bit might be beneficial in the long run, giving me chance to sort my health and emotions out a bit...

I just don't know what to do - I love Cambridge... but I don't know how much joy is really gonna be in my life whilst I'm struggling so much to cope... going back to Lincoln is like a kick in the gut and like going backwards - but maybe it'd be worth it...

Think I'll wait and see what the doctor says...