I called in sick today and then phoned the doctor's surgery and managed to get an appointment this afternoon with a locum. He was really lovely and even though I was 10 minutes late (I was actually only 2 mins late but the woman in front of me at reception took forever!) he never rushed me once... amazing!
He checked my mole and told me that even though it didn't strike him as something he would immediately worry about he wants me to book an appointment with another doctor at the surgery who is actually a skin specialist to get a second opinion on it. This is going to be tricky - as I work the other side of town during surgery hours - so I'm gonna have to try and do an early shift one day and start at 7 so I can leave by 4 and be at the surgery by 5 if they'll let me.
As to the stomach bug - well he told me I'd been doing all the right things and that I looked quite weak and to take it easy and keep it simple. Then when I discussed with him how ill I've been feeling and how hard I've been finding it all he said "It sounds like you're depressed" - FINALLY someone taking me seriously - last time I approached a doctor about feeling this way I was told it was just "stress" which all university students go through *sigh*
He asked me if I would consider taking any tablets to help with that and I told him I'd rather not and he replied that I struck him as the sort of person who would rather try and deal with it naturally. So he gave me the number of a local counselling service and suggested I exercise more to release endorphins.
I've felt this way for soooo long - years even that to finally have someone acknowledge that I'm not making a fuss over nothing and not expecting me to just get on with it is quite reassuring - though the unit co-ordinator at the nursery didn't sound overly impressed when I told her that the doctor thinks that depression and my IBS might be why I'm finding it so hard to shake this bug when most other people (according to the manager) have got over it within 24 hours.
It's interesting because I have felt so low and so close to giving up for so long and I am beginning to be more open about this rather than just biting my lip and trudging along but it's almost as if people just think I'm fussing and I feel like they think I have no idea what the world is really like... so often I have had the responses "we all go through it" "that's life" and "it just doesn't work that way". I am so torn because I *know* if I don't stop soon and take care of myself I really am going to burn out - I already am in a very big way - but also people just expect me to get on with it and I just can't face their looks and responses when I just even *suggest* giving up and having a break... I sometimes wonder just *how* ill I have to be for them to really understand - I mean do I need to have a friggin' nervous breakdown before they accept it's real?
I guess it's my own fault really - I'm gone from completely dependent on others to completely independent and became known and admired for my determination, stamina and strength of character... I remember my personal tutor at uni telling me that "other people may have given up or struggled but you not only survived the year through many hardships but also excelled in your exams" and later "you could take a year out but that might not help if it's an ongoing issue - maybe you should stop worrying about getting good grades and just think about getting through this with your sanity intact... but I guess that's not what Amandas do is it?"
Hmmmm she knew me so well..?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment