2009 - what are you hoping for?

2008 has been a year of extreme highs and such dark lows for me and T.

We spent such a wonderful few days together last Christmas & New Year and started 2008 with so many wonderful expectations. We even created our very own manifestation collage. By the time March rolled around we were even more optimistic. T had a secure job, I had found work in Cambridge that I would love and we found a flat that, although not perfect, was pretty darn good compared to the others we looked at. It felt like our dreams were coming true and all that we had wished for ourselves for this year would be granted to us.

Then the dream turned into a nightmare - in May T developed severe pain in his arms and wrists and had to leave his plumbing career behind. Redundancy came before he had chance to find more work and however many job applications he filled in he just never received a reply. Living on my meagre wage just wasn't enough and twice we had to rely on my parents to bail us out. We tried to keep positive even when T was feeling so weak and helpless and depression started to sink in, but it was so hard...

Then things started to look up when I received an invite to an interview at the city council's tourist information centre. That sounded right up my street - and just in time as the week before my interview I fell ill with such a debilitating inner ear infection I couldn't move for days without throwing up and it took me the whole two months of my notice period at the nursery I couldn't even work full-time. But I started work at the end of August and things were perfect. My colleagues were great, I had a new sense of pride in my work and a spring in my step. They even offered T a casual post to help us get by until his new job (NEW JOB!!!) at the hospital began. Things were finally going our way...

November was a hell of a month for me though - with medical treatment for an ongoing issue causing me more problems than I started with and rendering me unable to work for most of that month my self-esteem dropped to such a low. And although the treatment was stopped over a month ago I am suffering from worse symptoms now than I was before. Christmas has been a sad affair for me - the first spent away from my family and one spent curled up in pain and close to tears.

2009, however, should hopefull bring with it a return to less rollercoaster rides. We will be moving house again - but this time to a beautiful place thanks to friendship and generosity of kind and loving people. I see the gynaecologist in January and hopefully get some answers - if not my manager has offered to refer me to occupational health - and with the support of understanding managers I have received great reviews at my probationary work meetings. I am quietly optimistic this year though - after last year's optimism being cut so short I am trying to take it day by day...

2009 is going to be such a hard year for many. T and I have already been through our first year together in such hard circumstances we feel we can face anything - but we'd rather face nice things for a while. I do hope that others find a bit of peace and respite in 2009 too. And that's what I hope for 2009 - not just for us but for all of you too!

With love
Amanda x