Got the keys

Thank you to all of you who have visited and left sweet comments for me. It really makes my heart happy to know there are people out there wishing us well and who still pop by to have a look even when I forget to post for days on end!!

The last couple of days have been rather stressful - first the money for the deposit went out of my bank but then didn't go into the letting agent's account. Having read various reports about this whilst trying to figure out why it takes up to 4 days to do something that would be instantaneous had I chosen to pay my bank the money to do it in branch (the cheek of asking me for money to click a few buttons I could do myself at home was too much for me to swallow) made me aware of how much interest these banks are making on interest by holding our money for as long as possible!! Oh do not get me started, I am fuming!!

Then of course there is the fact that the letting agents (yes we are somehow working with 2 agents for one flat with a landlord who lives in Singapore *sigh*) know we wanted to move in asap as I start a new job on Monday and do not want to be coming home and moving house after work that first week when I've had a whole week off free to do it now! Yet although they knew this very fact we had to push them to draw up the agreement whilst waiting for the money to clear - if it wasn't for persistent calls and emails we'd have still been waiting now for the contract to be made up and sent to us! So much for the 5-7 working days we were told it would take to get us into the place.

Of course a few more phonecalls later, the eventual arrival of our transfer into the agent's account and a quick trip down to the 1st letting agent to hand in the contract (and have them ring the 2nd agent who deals with contracts about the amendment we made due to somebody's negligence earlier on in terms of length of tenancy) meant I finally picked up the first set of keys today! *PHEW*

We're still waiting for the inventory check to be done and sent to us and we still need to contact them about the second set of keys and which electricity supplier they use (because if we change to one different to the previous tenant we have to pay any charges to put it back again at the end of tenancy). All I can say is I am glad we only have electricity in the flat and only have to set up one account rather than another one for gas as well!!

I popped along with some groceries for this evening's meal and tomorrow's breakfast but am waiting for T to come home so we can start moving things over. His sister is dropping her daughter off at his mum's tomorrow so she can come and help me clean and then the fun of getting a bed made up (rather than a mattress on the floor) and the sofa, tables, chairs etc into the flat and up all the stairs begins - but oh how very glad I am to finally have the keys and access to the flat - I cannot wait to get started on it!!

I shall probably be offline for a while as we get settled and wait for connection to the internet to be sorted but I hope to be back online very shortly with all the news and loads of piccies too!

Gosh how long it's been and how much has happened

I'm so sorry for the lack of updates and my absence from the blogging world. I have been online, but my time has been taken up by budgets, house viewings, arguing with my bank about trying to charge me to transfer money, sorting out paperwork for my new job, trying to find cheap (and free) furniture for the flat we found, packing mine (and T's) stuff and saying my goodbyes at home!



It's been a very exciting, stressful and bittersweet couple of weeks... we found the most perfect flat after looking at some really horrid places (seriously I never even lived in such places as a student!!!) and thinking we were doomed to live in a place where even a whole-house disinfectant wouldn't get rid of the "unclean" feeling! I have some photos on T's mum's camera but need to wait for him to put them onto the computer for me (I don't have the right software on my own laptop). As soon as I have them I shall post some before and after pictures!



T has returned to work today after a glorious week off together, where we even set up a joint bank account :o) According to T's sister we are now married in the financial world lol!! We've been offered furniture, tins of food and cleaning products from all members of both sides of the family, so we are now ready to go. The only thing is that the money for the deposit has gone out of my account but not cleared with the bank the letting agency uses, so we cannot get the keys until a-bank-that-shall-not-be-named sorts itself out and clears it. So for now I am spending my days packing up all of T's things (I don't know how he dare say I have more clothes than him!!!) and looking after his niece who is currently painting a piggy bank whilst his parents pick up the free sofa from a kind person who advertised on gumtree!



I love spending time at T's - I get to see both his nieces and get to know his family better. If I'd still been living in Cambridge when I met him I might never have been forced to spend so much time here and neither would he have got to know my family so well. This weekend the parents meet - it should be an interesting (and scary) experience!



There's another reason this week is bittersweet - I said goodbye to my hometown for what may be the last time. I have left home so many times over the past 6 years - but I always knew I'd be returning for holidays and things (such is the life of a student). When I graduated I went home but relations were so strained between my mum and myself that my dad told me if I didn't leave I'd do irrepairable damage - he was right! So I left, and things were HARD! Going home and actually healing my relationship with my mum was the best thing I ever did and I am so glad I am leaving this time in good spirits and knowing that although I am so excited to finally have a place to call my own (not a shared house with random strangers) I will still miss being so close (geographically speaking) to my family.

*edit* had to stop writing as the sofa arrived - it is beautiful with a capital beau and it has free cushions and a free throw!! T's mum has also got out her old sewing machine so I can have a go at making more nice things to go with it - yay!

It is now the morning after I first wrote this post - I've just seen T off for work, with a lovely pack-up which includes my Grandma's homemade Lincolnshire plum bread! That's another thing - it seems only us Lincolnshire folk say "pack-up" everybody else calls it a packed-lunch... most times I say "pack-up" people give me a blank look and ask me what on earth I'm talking about. Does anybody else have such phrases that they took as normal until they met people from further afield and realised it was only a local saying?

Gah!!!

Ok - for some reason I am ever so slightly stressed. It may be that this is my final week at the uni and I feel sad to be leaving my students so close to their finishing. It may also be that I want to be down in Cambridge with T already and I know once I am down there, that is it - I never have to make do with the occasional weekend here and there anymore. It may also be due to the fact that however excited I am about my new job, new jobs are scary and at present I also have to find a house close enough for me to get to work on time (which pretty much means walking, cycling because the buses to all the cheaper places in and around Cambridge do not go early enough in the morning to allow me time to get from the bus stop to my work on time *sigh*).

So it's time I looked back over the past year and reminded myself just how much I have achieved, how much has changed and how this feels so "right" that I can and should trust that all will be well and we will find a place, on our budget, in the right area, at the right time...

Let's go back a year. I had just decided to leave my old nursery. I was so upset but I knew there was no other option for me. I had tried for months to get a raise, to find a way of cutting back on outgoings but there is only so much a girl can do - 2 meals a day (breakfast and lunch) are by no means enough to keep one going for more than a few months! I considered what I had of value to sell so I could stay there - that's how committed I was - but, alas, having been a poor student previously I had nothing of value - even my laptop was falling to bits.

I was sad to be leaving the babies and their parents - but happy and relieved as well. I knew I had no life. I couldn't afford to go out, so my life revolved around work, reading on the bus to and from work and staring at a computer screen trying to amuse myself. I went out with a few guys but nothing ever came of it because it just wasn't right for me at that time - I had no energy - our nursery was overstretched, underbudgeted and I came home stressed each day and so tired I couldn't be bothered to do anything but slob around the house.

I also had the worry of paying off my overdraft. That was the decision maker - there was no way I could stay in Cambridge if I couldn't get out of my debt. So I swallowed my pride, spoke to my parents and came home...

At first it was a blessing. But I felt lost for many months. I tried to start a business but I was too scared that it would succeed and I'd do something wrong to do anything about it. And then I met Tim.

He lived in Cambridge and we began talking online. This was about a week after I left Cambridge. We got to know each other and met about a month later when I returned to Cambridge for the weekend. He then came to visit me for the weekend. And so it continued, as we built up a firm friendship. I remember thinking when I met him that I could really like this guy, but I wasn't attracted to him. I also remember talking to friends and knowing I wasn't attracted to him because I was terrified of love.

It was like I gave myself permission to look after myself, to be looked after and to take time. And suddenly things happened. T and I began dating sometime in October. Just after I started working at the uni. I was busy most weekends, travelling to see friends all over the country. I didn't have time but I made time and I did so gladly. I freaked out big time and almost stopped our relationship before it even began - but T was an absolute star and helped me through my fears... now I feel so comfortable with him on all levels that I not only want to live with him, but I also had the most fun I've had in a long time in a heated debate (lots of shouting) about science and scientists who proclaim to know "the truth" and then change their minds 5 months later. I've never enjoyed debating in my life - but with T it's different. I know without a doubt that no matter how heated our discussion gets, he loves me and respects me and I love him and respect him and for me that meant I could lose myself in the moment and yell about how I felt about science until I turned blue and it didn't matter. Boy, was it fun!!

So that's where I am - I've gone from lonely, stressed, and penniless to having a boyfriend who is also my best friend, a new family (including two nieces I am unofficially adopting as my nieces too lol) and I am about to move back to the city I have adored since I first began staying there when I was 18. I am moving back into childcare with the prospects of finally getting some proper qualifications in it and I couldn't be happier... so what am I stressing about? Nothing, really... the rest is immaterial...

Now, how can I tell my overactive mind to remember that?! lol

Sunshine and smiles

Ok so this photo was actually taken (by me *giggles*) a few weeks back at one of my favourite joints in Cambridgeshire. But the picture sums up just how I was feeling Wednesday at 10am, 11am and about 1:30pm and then again at about 3pm!!!

As tyou may have guessed my interview went well! At 10am I found myself at a wonderful nursery, so different in style to my old nursery it was incredible. At 11am I found myself leaving the interview with the words "we'd really like to give you a job, we'll see what we can sort out salary wise for you" ringing in my ears. At 1:30pm I was on the phone agreeing to a decent salary and prospects of both training and a even better salary for less hours within the next year hopefully. At at 3pm I agreed with my current agency that my notice period would be cut short so I could begin after the Easter break.

So that was m Wednesday - all sunshine and smiles...

It is only now dawning on me that I have one week left at my current job (due to Easter holidays), and 3 weeks in which to find an affordable place to live. I begin work on 31st March and I cannot wait - I do not know the exact details of my work (i.e. what age group I'll be working with) but I do know it is 41 hours spread over 4 long days and one half day - that suits me fine! There are baby signing classes for staff starting in April - whoo hoo! And once they are sure I am settled there I will be starting child care qualifications, jumping straight to level 3 due to my already have a range of experience and a degree... as far as I'm concerned life couldn't be better...

I feel so blessed!

Sacred Life Sunday - Poetry

In response to my recent post about faith, Ladybug left me a comment including the following quotation from Joseph Campbell: "The problems with religion in our society throughout the ages all come back to the simple fact that people take (the word) as prose instead of poetry". This struck a deep chord with me because not only did it make sense, but also poetry is such a large part of my life - indeed it is a sacred part of my life!

I have been a lover of poetry since receiving a children's treasury of poems for my 7th birthday. Excitedly, I would look through the pages, and learn my favourite poems by heart. By the age of 12 I was trying to write my own poetry - rather crude poetry with no thought given to metre or rhythm, just hoping it would rhyme. As I grew older and wiser (in terms of both life and literature) my poetry developed and at 18 I had my first poem published in an anthology. And as my faith grew, my poetry took on an even greater meaning in my life - it became a way of expressing the beauty I could not speak of in any other way.

Poetry, real poetry, doesn't come from hours of sitting and trying to get the right tone or rhythm, neither does it come from years of study or thought - I remember being highly irritated by literature teachers who tried to teach me this!! True poetry, to me, is that which flows right from the centre of your being. It is the manifestation of your thoughts and desires, the prayer from your heart and the emotion you feel in the pit of your stomach. It is thoughtful, clever, witty, yet full of personality. It moves you on a level you cannot explain - it touches your soul.

By no means do I like all poetry - some pieces fail to touch me in any way - yet I am sure for someone, somewhere, they are the most perfectly formed strings of words and letters, enclosing the secrets of eternity within them. And that is what poetry is to me - a whispered secret, of wisdom and power so great and beautiful that sometimes I do not see them at first, but on coming back to meet it again and again a little bit more is revealed. The same words may be spoken to a thousand people and yet each one will experience something different. The relationship between poet and language and then poem and reader is so unique, there is no wonder that Campbell referred religion to poetry. What else is faith but an expression of the Divine in ways that we can share and understand? The connection we have to God, whatever that may be, is unique to us, because the whole of creation is so immensely powerful that no one person knows it all. It is by coming together, sharing in unity our own understanding and listening to another's interpretation that we learn and grow.

Life is beautiful, and so very sacred and what better way to share this than through art? For me, my canvas is paper and my paint is language - words and letters that when expressed with love can create the greatest masterpiece on earth. And so I leave you with one of my most favourite poems of all time. It is by Max Ehrmann and was written in 1927 and is called The Desiderata of Happiness.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others,

even the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,

they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain and bitter;

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs;

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals;

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.

Especially, do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love;

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be,

and whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

Earthquakes and interviews

You've all heard about the Lincolnshire earthquake this week, right?



So, 5.2 is nothing big compared to some of the quakes elsewhere in the world, but for England this is massive. It's caused quite a commotion and mostly because it is so rare most people spent most of the time it was happening trying to work on what on earth was going on!!



I don't think it helped that most people were woken from their sleep so were a bit disorientated to start with, and quakes in Britain (although very common) are usually unfelt or just a quick judder, so quick you wonder if you actually felt it...



I had been suffering from really bad indigestion and had been laying in bed trying to sleep for almost 2 hours and debating whether I needed to toilet badly enough to get out of bed for at least half an hour when the earthquake hit. I had actually just got out of bed and was walking across my floor when I stood on something as I heard a rumbling sound. I honestly thought "OH NO I've knocked something and everyone's gonna be annoyed with me for waking them up!" lol. But then when the floor started vibrating and then jerking right under my feet I suddenly realised that I hadn't done anything, but it still took me a couple of seconds, as the strength of it grew, to realise what was actually happening. It just amuses me the timing, that I'd just got out of bed and at first thought I'd done something - like I could cause the floor to move like that tee hee!!



All in all, although this was a major earthquake for Britain, very little damage was done thankfully. I first thought there must have been a major quake somewhere else and we were feeling the outer edges of it, so I got a huge shock the next morning when I found out the epicentre was about 12 miles away from me and that we actually experience about 200 quakes a year here in the UK... seriously, it's a shock to hear we have quite that many when we probably feel a very minor jolt once every two years 'cos usually they are often but tiny!



Anyway, on to other news...



I've been starting to apply for new jobs, as the academic term here draws near to completion and I will soon be out of a job. T and I are planning on moving in together, and I would much rather walk straight into a new job than be unemployed for whoever knows how long, because I hate being unemployed - I'd much rather be busy!

I started applying to nurseries in the Cambridge area because I do have such a passion for childcare provision and can see myself happily working in the industry for pretty much most of my life. My parents think I'm mad, because I was so ill last time I worked with babies - let's be fair in a nursery with 140 kids aged 3 months to 4 years you're bound to be ill a lot because at least one child has an illness at any one point in time! However, I cannot feel confident about any other career, yet the thought of working with kids or in a child-centred environment fills my heart with so much joy...

So I started sending emails to adverts for nursery vacancies, asking if my lack of specific qualifications would be too much of a disadvantage (as I cannot afford to live on the basic pay again!) My parents were slightly horrified I think that I was considering this again, so my dad sat down with me and helped me look for other types of jobs. I felt so downhearted, I just can't picture myself in anything else... but I applied anyway...

Then suddenly on Tuesday I received an email asking me to an interview next Wednesday or Thursday. I never even officially applied but simply sent an email, explaining that although I had no childcare qualifications I had experience and a degree and would that be ok for applying for the position of helping to run the new creche in the shopping centre. I also sent a further email saying if not could she send me an application form for the role of unqualified nursery assistant, as I would just love to get back into childcare so any position is welcome. But I think I am being interviewed for the position of helping run the creche as this was the email (the first one I sent) that was replied to... I hope it is... because it feels so much like the universe/God saying to me that I CAN have it all (by that I mean a happy relationship, a good job, the chance to move back to Cambridge) because that is where I'm meant to be. Truly I have always felt I should move to Cambridge and when I did I met T... then I have always felt I should be in childcare and I keep coming back to it... I just think everything before, the years of finding out who I am and who I'm not, being miserable and lonely, have all been given to me to allow me to get things out of my system so that I can be who I want to be so badly because I want it so badly because it is what I am meant to be doing... does that make sense?

So, anyway, my interview is next Wednesday at 10am, so I am travelling down Tuesday after work and coming back Wednesday afternoon ready for work again on Thursday. Could you please hold me in your thoughts and/or prayers because I truly feel so positive and joyful at the thought of such an opportunity and it would mean the world to me to have a job I will be excited and passionate about plus the chance to walk straight into it after I finish at the uni.

Thank you xx

And finally...

First of all I'd like to thank each and eery one of you who took the time to participate in this, to those of you who have read my answers and especially to those who offered such beautiful words of support and encouragement to my last post. It all means more to me than I can say!

And so without further ado, here are the final answers.

Lie #5

2. I am terrified of dogs after having been bitten by one as a child. Seriously, even seeing a dog on the tv makes me stomach squirm.

I adore dogs! Actually I adore all animals and whilst it is true that if a dog is extra large and energetic and likely to jump up me and knock me down I get a bit nervous, I am more than happy to go up to random dogs and say hello. I even once had a hug with a Golden Retriever in the sea - he just came bounding right to to where I was sitting enjoying the shallow waves and sat right in front of me waiting for a hug lol.

I used to be quite scared of big dogs as a child, and was chased home by one who thought I wanted to play when I started running to try and get away from him. Man did I scream, my dad came running out to see what all the fuss was about and explained to me that the dog had meant me no harm and all he'd wanted was to play. After that I began to learn that animals often act how they feel and if a dog ran after me barking it was more likely it wanted to play than attack me hehe.

Lie #6

5. I once starred in a local tv production about the history of our town. I was 8 years old and absolutely loved dressing up in all the costumes and playing old fashioned games whilst the cameras rolled.

Nope, never happened. We get the odd thing filmed in Lincoln nowadays, since the Cathedral was used for part of The Da Vinci Code, but when I was younger I can't ever remember seeing cameras around. I'm also not sure I'd have wanted to be in a production, even at 8. Although my Grandad and dad used to film us as kids, so I am pretty used to being filmed, I was a shy child and never liked doing new things like that. I was asked once if I wanted to go and sit on stage during the panto at our local theatre and I said yes but when they came to fetch me I refused to go and my sister went instead hehe.

Lie # 2 (yes - whooops I went straight from 1 to 3 in my first post)

6. I am a keen gardener and can name pretty much any plant we come across at the local garden centre. Even my parents come to me for advice about which plants to buy for their own garden - I'm a bit of a geek when it comes to facts!

I would like to be a good gardener but I'm not... yet. My parents let my sister and I have our own patch of garden when we were children and even bought us our own plants and my grandad made us each a garden gnome but unfortunately I was too scared of worms and spiders to ever get my hands dirty lol.

In recent years I have helped my dad to plant the vegetable seeds and various other seeds but then my life takes over and I forget - I'm not quite there with the whole seeing it through to the end yet. One day I hope I might be, especially as I grew up always having a garden to enjoy, but for now I am pretty useless! I can name some of the more common plants but that's about it.

I'm hoping one day, maybe when I have kids, to grow my own vegetables so maybe then I'll have more of an incentive to actually keep it up because otherwise my kids might starve!!!

And so that leaves the final truth, which is...

Truth # 2

8. I was totally accident-prone as a child and my x-ray file is so large I'm sure I should glow by now. Somehow, though, I never managed to break anything.

Seriously... if I ever have a child like me I might actually cry!! The stress I must have put my parents through is quite awful. In two years at school I'd had two major head injuries. The first was concussion from a chair falling on my head. I was 7 years old and we'd all put our chairs on the desk for the end of the day and I bent down to get my exercise book from the little tray under the desk and the chair fell off and smacked me right on top of my head. I tried not to cry but it sure did hurt. About 4 hours later I refused to go shopping with my parents saying I knew I would be sick if I got in the car - and lo and behold I spent the next I don't know how many hours puking and was taken into hospital for a couple of days with concussion!

The second injury, just a year and a half later, happened when I was playing tag with my friends. The school wall was our "safe space" and I was running towards it when I tripped, flew, and collided head first with the wall. I knocked myself out and ended up having to go to the hospital the day after to get my wounds cleaned out cos I had grit in a graze on my knee. I can tell you that being prodded and having my scabs scrubbed off with cleansing fluid and iodine sprayed on my knee (thankfully not my head) was not pleasant. My mum sat in the corner of the room looking faint, my dad held my hand so tight it hurt and I tried my hardest to be brave but once the nurse moved onto my head (which the doctor had not asked her to do so I wasn't expecting) I gave up and cried.

I also pulled a cabinet full of wine glasses down when I was about 5 or 6. I have no idea how it happened nor how I managed to avoid being either trapped underneath the cabinet or cut to pieces by the broken glass. All I remember is opening the door to get some toys out of the bottom of the cabinet and the next minute my parents running in and realising I was sat on the floor halfway up the living room, next to the fallen cabinet, with broken glass all around me and wondering what was going on. I had a few scratches on my back but that was it. I think someone was watching over me that day!

These are just a few of the wonderful things I put my parents through *blushes* it's no wonder my dad said he was constantly worried the social services would come and take me away. I had bruises all over, and for several years I was terribly underweight due to an eating disorder of sorts. I looked like I might break and seemed to be bent on breaking myself. I was labelled "clumsy" and it was only through investigations into why I had painful joints at 15 that they realised I had a condition which means my joints are too flexible and often move in and out of position, meaning sometimes I would fall over nothing because a hip or a knee would pop out and I would lose my balance. No wonder I always fell over when I tried to run!!

This hypermobility of the joints was and is both a blessing and a curse. It was likely the reason behind a lot of my accidents but also the reason why I managed to never break anything. Seriously, when you hurtle at speed towards a brick wall with your arms outstretched you expect to break or dislocate something like a wrist or a shoulder. I had sprained wrists which were so painful I couldn't hold anything for a few days, but they escaped anything more serious, most likely due to the fact that the joint probably moved out of position and back in of its own accord.

So there you have it - my lies and my truths for all to see. And if you haven't already guessed, the winner is Chas - I have just about sorted out your prize so it will be winging its way to you in the next few days.

Thanks again to all who took part - it's been fun!