Sunshine at last

We've finally got some real sun at last! Throughout the floods we'd have the odd day of hot sunshine and then 3 days of rain again. I remember thinking one evening that it's a sign I'm a true Brit when I can get up one morning and it be hot as anything and then get up the next and it be bleak as winter and not think this is weird!! My sister also pointed out that this unpredictability is perhaps why we're well known for our obsession with the weather - and obsessed we are - I know one friend who turns on the tv just to see what the weather forecast is and then changes channel to see what the other weatherman says because he will more often than not predict the exact opposite!!

Anyway, I wanted to thank anyone who popped by and added the flooding in their thoughts and prayers. The power is back on in Gloucester (although Kelly mentioned to me that reading Harry Potter by candlelight was very "Hogwarts-like"). The water, last I heard, had been turned back on but it was not yet suitable for drinking. There have been a few more casualties, but thankfully the fears of more flooding are now dropping. So thank you again! It's going to take a long time to repair the damage done but the clean up has begun. I'm also sending out my thoughts to those elsewhere, where the excessive heat is causing fires and other problems... whatever is going on I just hope it settles down soon!

On to sunnier news - I've been able to sit in our garden drawing illustrations for my handmade books - yep I'm finally getting round to making them and it is so exciting. I was originally going to start a mini-business making them but all the legal bits and bobs and finding the time to make sure I created enough products was too demanding at this stage in my life - so I gave up. But I had already bought the material (yes I am making the whole book by hand!!) and so I'm making up a few to begin with for close family and friends and we'll see how they turn out and just how much time is needed - perhaps a mini-business will evolve in future years.

I'm especially pleased to see the sun as I am going on camp next week. I go each year to look after disabled teenagers and I was not looking forward to trying to rescue electric wheelchairs stuck in muddy potholes!! I have to say that pushing manual wheelchairs up the hills is not all that fun when it's this hot either - but at least it's clean!! Don' t get me wrong - I have nothing against getting dirty myself but it's much harder to clean a wheelchair and trying to shower 20 odd campers who need hoists etc in a tiny showerblock with only 8 showers is not the easiest of tasks!!(note how the tents are much higher up than us - and that isn't even the steepest part of the camp - one thing's for sure ... I always come back much fitter than when I go!!) I don't know who I'm looking after this year but I can be sure it'll either be someone who requires a lot of manual lifting (as most of the other helpers are in their teens and that bit weaker than me) or someone who needs an older helper who is strict with them (like I had last year). It's always so much fun but SO tiring, especially when you're in a tent where you don't get much sleep. Last year I had a two day migraine and my vision started to blur and I spent most of that time with another camper who insisted I say "whoops-a-daisy" every 2 seconds whilst her helper took my camper swimming and on activities I couldn't cope with at the time... needless to say if anyone says "whoops-a-daisy" to me now I think of her!

Getting to and from the campsite is a pain too as I don't drive and it requires me going through London on a busy day with a huge rucksack and sleeping bag so to break the journey up I'm staying at my friend's in Cambridge for a few days afterwards. This is actually a real necessity because usually as soon as I stop running around after my camper has gone home I find it incredibly difficult to stay awake and I don't want to end up in Edinburgh because I fell asleep on the train hehe!! I can just about manage to stay awake the two hours it takes to get to Cambridge.

I'll also be going to visit the nursery again. I was talking to one of my old colleagues and she told me all about the babies I used to look after and how they're all walking now and how some of them have become biters *gasp*! Last time I went they all looked at me like they didn't know me - which was so sad... by now I think they'll have definately forgotten me *sniff sniff*

So, as you can tell it's gonna be a busy two weeks for me so I won't be posting for a while. But hopefully when I do I'll have lots of cool pics and funny tales to share!

Please add your prayers

I'm not sure how much coverage the current crisis in Britain has received in other countries but things are really critical here at the moment. We've been experiencing flooding for weeks now - first it happened in my area of the country and a man even lost his life trying to clear a blocked drain (and he's not the only casualty)! Thankfully we escaped the worst, living on top of a hill, but even we had flooded gardens and leaks in our roof due to the heavy downpours when a month's rainfall fell in a day or two...


It has now escalated and the South and West of England have been hit hard with the people in places like Gloucester, Cheltenham and Tewkesbury without power and down to their last jug of clean water due to the power and water plants being hit by the floods. Rescue workers and volunteers are working round the clock to bring the most basic supplies to these people and to try and limit any further damage which could come at any moment as the rain continues and the flood warnings are flashed at us on every news bulletin.



According to the latest report from the BBC News Team:

the Environment Agency has warned water levels are expected to exceed those of the devastating floods of 1947.

And according to a report on the 1947 floodings:

The flooding, which inundated nearly all the main rivers in the South, Midlands, and the Northeast of England, was notable for its origins, regional extent, and duration. Impacting thirty out of forty English counties over a two week period, around 700,000 acres of land were underwater. Tens of thousands of people were temporarily displaced from their homes, and thousands of acres of crops were lost.

Britain is known for its unpredicatable weather but we are very lucky in that we very rarely have such extreme weather. We haven't had flooding like this since 1947 - and yet if it is predicted to be worse than that this is going to get a lot worse before it gets better.


So I am asking you now to add your thoughts and prayers for those affected by the floods over here - to protect those who are vulnerable, to bring solutions to the problems and to prevent any worsening of the situation. I'd also like to ask you to join me in gratitude that so far no more lives have been claimed and for the overwhelming response of the public and emergency services and government alike for working together to do what they can to deal with the situation at hand.

Too often I see things on the news that make me wish I could do more to help and this crisis in particular touches me as I have so many friends in the affected areas and it really brings it home, you know? All I can do right now is pray for those in need, so that is why I am asking for your prayers as well. Thank you.


More pictures of the flooding.

so busy

I have been so busy at the school and at home but I am so happy - I can't remember the last time I felt this happy, seriously!!

I've worked so hard at the school - listening to kids learning to read and helping them to sound out the phonics, supervising group play, reading stories, taking down and putting up displays (which involved double mounting all their work and their names and laminating loads of stuff!), marking homework and getting to the bottom of who was lying to me (the kids are at that age where if they have done something wrong they try lying their way out of it even if they know you saw them doing it!! They haven't quite figured out yet that lying doesn't work if it's obvious you're lying!), preparing paperwork ready for parents evening etc etc... apparently I have done more of the to-do list in two weeks than the teaching assistant has in 6! I did so much that the teacher ran out of jobs for me to do and had to come up with new ones so things like the displays would normally be done in the summer holidays and since she is getting married this summer it's nice to know that my help has cut down on the amount of time she'll need to be in school preparing for the new term whe she returns from her honeymoon!!

The experience has shown me that I was right when I always thought I wanted to be a teacher because even the long days and noisy kids and all the rest of the exhausting and very repetitive events has done nothing to convince me otherwise! I know that the work is hard, I have seen all the paperwork and demands that the teacher had to deal with and I am under no pretences that I won't get utterly frustrated some days - but that would happen in any job and I actually want to be in this kind of job and that's always good - wanting to go to work!!

So now I just have to wait until the next intake for teaching and decide one of two things: do I work as an unqualified teacher and earn 13k for the year but have to work the same hours as a teacher whilst doing coursework and assessments or do I take the slightly gentler route by going back to uni and doing placements and my coursework at different times and also earn a specialism in teaching german to young children but only earn 6k for the year, meaning I shall be pretty much dependent on my parents still. The other question is do I train to teach the younger age group (3-7) because that is the age group I have always preferred or do I teach the older ones (7-11) because there is far more scope for my skills as a linguist and in the creative side of things like sewing, art etc to be used in my lessons?

In the evenings I've been looking after my sister - or rather answering to her beck and call - my dad even said to her last night that you'd think I was her maid not her sister lol... I know my sister has been really depressed and that she is in a lot of pain with her joints - I know and understand because I have been there too and I know how easy it is to hide behind excuses and let others do things for you... but it really irritates me when I come home from a long day and have to cook just because she is too tired because she did something *yesterday* or on my day off I have to go to the library on my own for the *third* time to do research for her because she is too tired because she's been away for a *holiday*... I'm supposed to be her support worker and I desperately need the money but there's a difference between supporting someone by taking notes and proof-reading for grammar errors and doing the research and legwork for them... it's starting to really take the p*ss right now and I keep getting short tempered with her and she'll get that hurt look in her eyes and I understand so much how it feels to be that side of things, I really do and it makes me feel so guilty for being so snappy... but I have a life of my own and I am working damn hard for little or no money to get to where I want to be and I just don't have the patience for it anymore...

On a nicer note I spent my day off this week (yeah I got a day off because there wasn't much for me to do and due to the distance we have to travel to the school each day and the timing of an afterschool activity it just made more sense for me not to go) I went to my Grandma's to teach her how to crochet... that's right *I* was teaching *her*... the lady who taught me to knit, sew, bake etc etc... I got to teach her how to crochet and it was so weird... esp as I only taught myself how to do it a couple of months ago! I now have two scarfs and a baby blanket on the go 'cos I like to have a variety to choose from lol. I think people may be getting homemade gifts for Christmas this year!

School Days

I spent the day working in a village school today! One of my sister's friends is a teacher in a village about an hour's drive away and was in real need of some help as the year draws to an end so I asked if I could go and get some experience.

The school is unqiue in that although it spans the age ranges 4-11 there are only 3 classes... so this particular teacher has a class with children ranging from ages 4-7!! Not the easiest of things to plan for as whole class teaching needs to cater for all the age groups and group and individual work has to be set at each child's key stage plus their own personal levels!!

I really enjoyed the day, it was great being around the kids but I am exhausted as I had a busy weekend with friend's staying over and then getting up at half 5 this morning and only getting home at 6pm... I'll post an update later in the week along with (hopefully) some photos I took in the castle grounds and from the observatory tower the other day - they are cool!!

Talking of the observatory tower, we were climbing the stairs to it (and they were really steep), following this little girl and her dad. She said "I'm going up first" and then when we caught up with her I told her that she was doing so well because even I was tired and she showed me exactly how she was climbing up the steps (you know what kids are like when you praise them and they want to show you just how good they are!!). She then asked what my friend was doing (he was taking a photo at the time) and when her dad told her that was what he was doing she asked "is he taking a picture of me?" Oh, she was so adorable... and so cheeky!!!!

Famous Lincolnshire

Did you know I come from a really exciting place in England?? No, I didn't either!! My hometown, Lincoln, is a beautiful place in parts with Roman ruins, a Cathedral with a huge history and a Castle and a Bishop's Palace where some of the richest Bishops in history resided.


The history is amazing but the present is rather dull. There's not much to do and since the University was founded in the 1990s modern buildings which stand out like a sore thumb have popped up everywhere.



So let's get back to the history - because it really is quite exciting (and this is coming from the girl who hates history!!)

Those of you in America may or may not already know this, but Captain John Smith, "The
man who was to become President of Virginia started life as the son of a tenant farmer in a small village on the edge of the Wolds." (The Wolds are in Lincolnshire - the area of England where Lincoln is situated. When Time Team (an archaeological programme in the UK) did a special edition on the founding of Jamestown they found that the houses built by the earliest settlers had a distinct style which is only found in one other place in the world and that is in rural parts of Lincolnshire! Researching deeper into the archives they then traced John Smith and some others from my part of the world... how exciting and how strange that I previously had no idea about this!!


Moving on from that part of history I found out last night that "haute couture" was actually founded by another Lincolnshire man... can you believe it? The Oxford English Dictionary have been asking the British public to help them research the history of certain words so that they can update their entries - where the dictionary had only previously found proof of word usage in the 70s (for example) the public managed to find anti-datings right back to, say, the 30s! There was a tv show about it all and last night was the last in the series, talking about the terms we use in the world of fashion. Apparently, this guy called Charles Worth went to France ans created women's fashion and, as Wikipedia states, "His reputation was such that the French government awarded him the Legion of Honour and when he died, 2,000 people, including the President of the Republic, attended his funeral."

You might be wondering why I'm thinking of this today? Well I met a guy in Cambridge and he's coming to visit this weekend and I get to play the tour guide and tell him how the Cathedral once burnt down in an Earthquake and explain to him the legend of the Lincoln Imp, and walk around the castle walls looking out over Lincoln and seeing the old prison where those to be hanged were locked away... I guess with all this history it's no wonder that there's a well-known British song which begins, "When I was bound apprentice in famous Lincolnshire"

Sussed

I think I've got it sussed, finally. After lots of thinking I realised that really I always knew what I wanted to be and these past few years have just been "testing the waters" to check that it really is what I want to do... I want to be a primary school teacher! It's what I dreamed of being from about the age of 9 or 10 until someone put it into my head I should do something else first when I was 16. I've returned to the idea lots of times and I guess the message finally hit.

I emailed my old nursery manage the other day and she's told me to send her my CV so she can think about roles I could apply for in childcare but unless she can come up with a better opportunity I'm gonna work this next year as a support worker at the uni and apply to do teacher training next year. I have two possible routes - the first working as an unqualified teacher but being paid whilst training on the job - the second doing a postgraduate course which is more expensive for me but allows me to train in a language specialism for young children. I'll see what is available at the time.

I've spoken to my dad and he's ok with me working at the uni over the summer (which will only bring in about £25 per week, so isn't much but I can give him half of my earning and still have enough to have a bit of a life) and using the rest of my time trying to get some targeted work experience in child care settings, just to make sure that teaching truly is the direction I want to take in the childcare sector - but I truly think it is, this is just to be certain!

Then, come September when the students return to uni I'll have much more work to do and be able to hopefully save some money up and start applying for teacher training. I feel good now I have a direction and one I am happy with... I'd become increasingly down and stressed with the pressure I was putting on myself to find a job but now I know I have a direction I can work towards productively I feel ok with only working 4 hours per week and using the rest to prepare for the future.

I'm not closing my mind to any other options that may come available, but I know I truly want to follow my heart in childcare and this makes more sense financially and career wise as well as making me hapy and peaceful so it is nice to have the direction, finally!

And on and end note... I have finished transferring my posts from Typepad to Blogger so this will be my last post on Typepad as well as Blogger... in future you can find me here.

Moving again and it feels good - originally posted 25th June

I've decided to move back to Blogger. As I've mentioned before I only moved to Typepad because it was easier to use professionally when I wanted to set up my business. Now I am going in a different direction and spending far less time online working on my image I feel no need to continue paying for the service Typepad offers - even though I do so love it!

I'm currently working on moving my posts over (or the good ones anyway LOL) so if you get an email saying I've posted something new on Blogger chances are I haven't - sorry about that!

In other news - I am feeling much better, which makes me think even more that my hormones have a lot to do with my emotions! But I also made an incredible change the other day - I realised I had been so miserable because I was trying too hard to be someone I wasn't.

Let me explain... I was quite blissfully unaware of my talents as a child - don't get me wrong I was aware I was clever but not how clever I was. Once it was pointed out to me how far I could go in life and perhaps on occasions how far a should go I began to stress about it all. I had to get top marks. I had to achieve great things. I had to do more than the next person. But at the same time as feeling this need I also felt a kind of guilt... why was I so lucky? Why did I find things so easy? So I self-sabotaged - a LOT. I would doubt my ability to really do things, always expecting to be found out to be a fake any minute. I didn't go for jobs I could do for fear of failure. It was a double edged sword... I thought I should do more so as not to waste my "gifts" yet I didn't want to because I didn't feel comfortable and didn't enjoy it.

I never wanted to leave my hometown and when I did I was terrified of returning for fear of becoming who I once was because I thought I was lazy and never achieved anything... I got swept away in the tide of achievement and pressure that exists in the academic world... it was shameful to me to return home and want a simple life. But do you know what? That's exactly what I wanted. That's who I am.

Last week something just flipped. I was feeling so incredibly low for the umpteenth time and I realised it wasn't worth it. I realised I was trying to be someone I'm not and I was making my life miserable as a result. I realised that I was depressing myself because when I thought about life and took away the achievements and the stresses there was nothing left - no life. I realised I had lost my identity and I wanted it back.

I have spent this past week doing simple things I love... I have watched films without feeling guilty about them not expanding my knowledge. I have begun to read novels for the sheer enjoyment rather than feeling guilty about not developing my language skills. I have even begun to crochet a baby blanket for my cousins' baby which is due any day now. I have never made anything so big... I have always been obsessed by the end product rather than enjoying the actual process... this time even though I completely screwed up and had to undo two whole lengths and start again I have enjoyed sitting and stitching every single stitch. I have, in fact, had the most enjoyable week in a LONG time. And I feel good!!

So this is why my business idea failed... I didn't want a business for me but because I thought it was another achievement. But deep down I knew it would take away the pleasure of making things. I had far too many projects on the go which had to be finished asap... now I'm trying to enjoy each moment... I don't doubt it's going to be hard sometimes 'cos I'm changing habits which are deeply set in my life. But on the whole I do feel good!

I have an interview tomorrow for a job at the hospital in the records department. It's not what I expected to want to do and it's scary going for another job but I'm also looking forward to starting afresh. Wish me luck!!