Where did this week go?

I can't believe it's almost a week since I posted - it feels like it was only yesterday that I posted, and yet this week has been unbelievably taxing on me and I have also heard so much good news that it seems like it should feel like a lieftime. But it doesn't.

Work this week has been pretty hellish. I kid you not. By Wednesday I was actually thinking "what the f*** am I doing in this place, I could be working somewhere calmer and for far more money". Now you've all heard how much I adore children and working with them - I've even gone against the advice of most the people I know and love to come back into childcare, so it has to be bad for me to think that! I suppose it doesn't help that I know T is so unhappy with his work and would love to train in something else, but because my work doesn't pay enough to support us both he needs a fairly decently paid job. If it weren't for his wage we'd not be able to live together - end of. Our plan is to start sending him to some evening or weekend classes so he can investigate what he'd like to move into and then as I become more qualified and move up the ladder I can hopefully find myself in a better paid job and he can cut his hours to move into something he wants to do, just as I have done.

The only thing is I cannot help but worry I am wasting time. In essence, the perfect solution would be for me to be in a better paid job now so that he could retrain and work his way up to a good wage in another role in the next few years so that if and when we decide to have a family I don't have to work all hours like I do now. This is where my dilemma lies - I adore my job (usually) and I am confident in what I do. If I went into a higher paid job I would be more stressed and I don't want to return to that level of anxiety and consequent illness caused by stress. But at the same time, why should I expect T to work in a job he dislikes so much and has so little confidence in his ability to do it (despite having been in the trade for 10 years) that he worries constantly about it. I keep thinking about it and wondering what to do. Basically my work at the moment is perfect as it brings in money and the training opportunities are fantastic (I think I'm even down to do SENCO training this year!!) which will stand me in great stead for better positions in the future, perhaps even better for me than management roles.

In my head I know that logically this job is going to lead into a lot of better things for the both of us, and in my heart I believe it was set up for me by something outside of myself because it all happened so perfectly (getting the job I mean - it came at the perfect time and in the perfect area and then we found a perfect flat in the best place for us). But there is also that part of my heart that cannot help but hurt when I know I *could* be doing more to help T now rather than in a couple of years time.

My thoughts this week weren't helped by the fact I had a stinking cold and after the past few heavy work weeks I was so tired I ran out of energy on Wednesday and walking to and from work, up and down stairs carrying babies and running round after toddlers was more demanding than I could cope with, yet I found the energy from somewhere (own up, who felt a sudden leech attach to their energy supply?! It was probably you I was stealing it from hehe). We also had the worst Sunday (my only day off last week) ever, although I cannot tell you details without T's explicit permission. Needless to say, my last post about crying came about mostly because of how much I cried last Sunday - not the best start to a week like this one has been.

However, this week has been littered with such fantastic news from elsewhere I cannot help but be awed by the beauty of life still. First off, I heard news that my sister's friend had a healthy baby girl :o) I've known her friend for years, having taken her on our family holidays with us when I was a pre-teen and then working with her last summer (she's a primary school teacher). I am so pleased to hear her news and cannot wait to go home and maybe see the baby girl. This reminds me that I need to get cracking on making something for the baby shower of one of my old school girlfriends - she is expecting this summer and I am so excited for her too. We're still planning the weekend of the shower and how I'm going to get home for it. Then I found out today that one of my university girlfriends is now expecting!! Now when I say university girlfriend I mean someone I spent 3 weeks living with in Russia, which is a bonding experience like no other (lol) and then lived with for a year (our final, most stressful year) in which she also married and set up her emigration to Canada! She is very dear to my heart and if you'd like to pop over to the blog she just started and wish her well I'm sure she'd appreciate it!

It's now the weekend and my first full weekend off for ages - I am going to slob and catch up on everyone's news - yay! The nursery asked me to work the creche this Sunday but I said no - first of all I need this time if not just for me but for T as well. Secondly, it's my birthday on Monday and if I have to work then I certainly am not working the Sunday before it lol. Talking of the creche, I noticed something on the rotas which might mean a complete change to my work patterns in coming weeks - so you may be hearing more news about work pretty soon!

But for now I am going to go have the bath that T has run *sighs blissfully*. Have a lovely weekend xx